Inner Child Healing: A 6-Step Process to Release Old Triggers and Come Back to Wholeness

When we get triggered, that critical or scared voice inside often isn’t our adult self at all. It’s our inner child. Inner child healing is one of the most powerful ways to finally release the patterns, reactions, and emotional pain that keep showing up in your life. Situations that remind us of past pain can shift us out of our higher brain and into survival mode, keeping us stuck in old patterns.

Here’s a powerful inner child healing process to help that younger part of you feel seen, heard, and cared for so they can finally heal and reintegrate with you. It allows you to shut down the post-traumatic stress so you aren’t getting triggered by it anymore. Like removing the bruise that gets poked.

This is an excerpt from my new book, a handbook for being human. I just finished editing it! If you have any title ideas, let me know.

Inner Child Healing: Why This Work Matters

Our inner child shows up when we get triggered, when our bruises get poked. The critical, scared, or worried voice in our head can be coming from our inner child. Situations or experiences that remind us of our painful experiences from the past shift us from our higher functioning brain (our prefrontal cortex) to our lizard brain (safety and survival at all costs), keeping us stuck and unavailable for growth.

Here’s how to help your inner child feel seen, heard, and cared for so that he or she can move beyond the wounds that have kept you stuck, and perhaps reintegrate with you.

The 6-Step Inner Child Healing Process

Step 1: Create a Timeline

Identify the ages of your wounding, your core traumas.

Step 2: Choose a Specific Age/Event in the Timeline

Based on what you’re going through, or the bruise you believe is getting poked, choose the one that seems most relevant.

Step 3: Write a Letter from the Perspective of Your Child Self

What was going on back then? Write down what you think you were thinking and feeling at that age. For example, I’m scared, my dad was throwing bottles around the room, I didn’t know what to do, I was crying and hiding under the covers in my bed. I think I did something wrong because Dad is always mad. It can be a long letter if you have more to say, or any length.

Step 4: Write Back as Your Adult Self

Speak to your inner child in a way that they could understand at that age. Oh sweetheart, it wasn’t about you. You are so sweet and kind and awesome. Dad was going through a lot of stress in his life, and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t learn how to handle things, and he had an adult temper tantrum. I’m so sorry you were scared. I can protect both of us now. You’ll never have to go through that again because I won’t allow you to be treated that way anymore. You are so lovable and valuable. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve got us. If it seems like you need to write a few notes back and forth, do it.

Step 5: Integration

Close your eyes and envision your child self at that age, there in front of you. Ask if they would like to come with you now and be with you, knowing that they can trust you to keep them safe, or see if they would like to go somewhere else, like Disneyland, the beach, or a playground with other kids. See what they want to do.

If they want to go somewhere else, help guide them there. Hug them and let them know you are here whenever they need you. If they want to come with you, see yourself opening your arms and them integrating with you into one being.

Step 6: Repeat with All Core Traumas

You can decide to do this inner child healing activity once a week until you’ve addressed them all, or as triggers come up in your life that upset you, look at your timeline page and see which one is most closely connected and address it then.

What Happens When You Do This Inner Child Healing Work

Every time you take the time to listen to and comfort that part of you, you’re helping your whole system feel safe enough to grow, love, and live more fully. You’ll notice old triggers losing their grip and being replaced by trust, resilience, and self-compassion.

A Note on the Meditation Version

You can choose to do this as a meditation instead, where you open up a metaphysical space, somewhere your inner child at that age would want to be with you: their bedroom, a meadow on a blanket, the park, grandma’s house. See your younger self as you looked back then, how your hair was, how you dressed. Invite them to sit with you for a bit to have a conversation. Help them understand what was going on in a way they can understand at that age. See if they have any questions for you. Go back and forth until your time together feels complete, then do Step 5, The Integration.

Each time you take your inner child by the hand, you’re coming back to wholeness. You’re making sense of past experiences so they’re no longer a bruise that can get poked in the present time. What was once pain becomes wisdom, and what was once fear becomes love.

With love,
Kelli

Ready to Heal at the Root?

You are worthy of navigating this work with support. If you’re ready to heal the root causes of stress, anxiety, or self-doubt and feel calm, confident, and clear again, schedule a free consult today.

Photo by Caleb Woods

The Weekly Reset

If this post hit home, you will love what lands in your inbox. One insight a week to help you break old patterns, calm your nervous system, and start living a life that actually feels like yours.